The Death of Empathy
On a Lighter Note…
Learning to be Grateful without Guilt
Quick! Back to the Future!
1. The Death of Empathy
How rude can I be? Amazingly rude. Shockingly rude.
…this is especially easy and seemingly unstoppable with a little help from pharmacology. In my case it is long-acting morphine and chemotherapy; however, even Tylenol blocks our pathways for sympathy and compassion.
I pause my writings when I or my family can clearly see unnecessary negativity flowing out onto my notepads. I usually see myself as an easy-going nice fellow – an image that is quickly trashed during the days of active cancer treatments.
I point this out because if you are living or working with anyone needing chronic pain meds and/or chemotherapy, neither of you may know how strongly they alter moods and personalities.
The loved-one/co-worker using such meds is still the same person you enjoy and admire, but not when on medication.
Their loving absence of malice is hidden from you both.
Here is the study of college kids and Tylenol.
At Ohio State University, 2 different experiments, one involving 80 college students and one involving 114 college students, found that taking one Tylenol (acetaminophen) a day reduced their empathy towards other people’s suffering. “Because empathy regulates prosocial and antisocial behavior, these drug-induced reductions in empathy raise concerns about the broader social side effects of acetaminophen, which is taken by almost a quarter of adults in the United States each week.” (Here is a link to the full scientific paper.)
Each week 23% of American adults, approximately 52 million people, use a medicine containing acetaminophen (Tylenol).
[It is also interesting to note that this same pain killer reduces your sensitivity to risky behaviors.]
Some of us may need a certain class of pharmaceutical therapies designed to diminish or inhibit sensations and simple bodily reactions. For those not dealing with deep long-acting chronic pain or cancer, etc., please keep in mind there are other options.
We can’t make sense of things we cannot sense. Such as:
• Medicines for gastric reflux block the reflux and thus deny the opportunity to explore why our body is rejecting the quality and quantity of our choice of foods and beverages.
• Chronic use of over-the-counter pain medicines, like Tylenol, block our pathways for sympathy and compassion to others.
• Atrial Fibrillation medicines do not allow us to explore and resolve the underlying anxiety and stressors creating the fibrillation.
If our heart is racing or our stomach is queasy with butterfly sensations – we can unconsciously use those sensations to validate our feelings or worries. However, if we breath and move and stretch in a manner that releases those sensations, then the power and importance of the triggering emotions will drastically diminish.
Breathing, moving, and stretching followed by comforting stillness may remove the need for pharmaceutical interventions. I highly recommend exploring this option first before seeking stronger chemical agents.
I continue to heighten my awareness of how my words and gestures may be tainted with a selfishness that I would normally not suspect. Ugh. But I am working on it.
2. On a Lighter Note…
If you read my last urological post here is an update written by a guy with a gladder flatter bladder – me.
Did a fellow really write a book called The Golden Stream by I. P. Freely?
It was a good Friday two weeks ago for I was finally equipment free because I. P. Freely.
It was a great way to close out that week’s new chapter where I learned to share common ground with a urologist. In his work and in my work doing stress management counseling, we both worked with folks who were pissed…so to speak…and we both told our clients “urine control”…so to speak.
[you’re in control] — if you came late to the party.
Yes, my body is now streaming like Netflix.
Just in case you were wondering…
3. Learning to be Grateful without Guilt
This lesson for me has been a real challenge. How can I be grateful for all the help and support I receive without feeling like I am an interrupting force to their day?
Yes, paid caregivers have to respond to such calls, but midnight pleas could easily feel like a burden to loved ones who also answer such calls.
I remember in my medical training that if I had 1000 patients, and if each patient only called me at midnight once every 3 years, that would be a call every night.
But now, I am that patient.
We have spent 6 to 20 hours in the emergency room on different occasions for me to get the care that I need. These ‘occasions’ have happened more than several times in the past year. I was never alone during these overnight ventures.
My wife was always there.
Others pitched in by filling in other home and work-based duties when needed.
I am so grateful.
Cultivating a philosophy of life where we (as patients) are not seeing ourselves as a burden to others is a learnable skill. Outside help is essential and yet this short-term necessity can lead to a long-term outcome of healing and recovery. The return on their investment in my life is my life being a loving active part of their life and others in the future.
We are all worthy of receiving help and guidance from others.
It is good to remember this.
4. Food for Thought
“As a man thinketh so is he. ….Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.
…but when he realizes that he is a creative power, and that he may command the hidden soil and seeds of his being out of which circumstances grow, he then becomes the rightful master of himself.”
— As a Man Thinketh, by James Allen,1903
5. Quick! Back to the Future!
Yep, remembering, creating and building my future is something I am still learning.
False hope comes from false guarantees.
Realistic hope comes from realistic guarantees.
If I let my mind continue to be a big liar, I am doomed to its wishes.
To actually take control of my mind is not something that was taught in my public schools. It is a process of discovery and is based on the science of direct experience by those who have mastered this skill. Teaching my mind to think and respond in a different way than my long-term habit patterns keep playing requires constant practice. I keep defining the needed actions in short simple terms.
I know that my elevated heartfelt emotions (my warm fuzzy feelings of kindness and connection) have the power to turn on or turn off gene expression and protein metabolism throughout my body. This change to my body’s physiology and structure effects the release of neurotransmitters and boosts the healing forces of my body in every way.
I avoid pondering when and how these changes will show up because it always happens in ways I cannot predict. I must only remain aware of my vision and heartfelt emotions. This means I need to keep remembering the outcome I am seeking.
Breaking free of useless habits required me to pull my mind out of the trappings of my body. Otherwise, the bodily sensations stimulated by my restless mind won’t cease. For me this is best done by uniting the mind and the breath together. This frees my mind from my body’s habit-borne bondage. The root word of emotion is motion. Powerful feelings/emotions jolt me into action (motions) that may not be wise nor healthful.
As the breath starts bringing the freedom of choice into my dominion, I start writing down my clear intentions on paper linked with my elevated emotions of thankfulness/gratitude. Once again, I do not mention a time frame or how this new future will manifest.
Here is my latest spin on this process:
Three Steps of Transition to Explore
When you put together a conscious image of yourself being healthy and whole (your new elevated life narrative) you have entered step one of the transition.
Step 1: Create a clear mental image of yourself already healthy, whole, and healed.
Step 2: Fire up the emotional gratitude of thankfulness in every palpable way and attach it to your clear mental image. This is a living breathing image showing this outcome happening now.
[What do I look like when I am cancer free? I must see myself expressing the emotions and lifestyle of such success.]
Others don’t need to be cancer free…maybe they are debt-free, free of unemployment, free of worry or shame…regardless, what does that life look like, feel like, etc.?
Close your eyes and live it right now in your mind’s eye.
Live it as a real movie in your imagination.
It is already here now.
This means we have now folded the future into the present moment in a palpable way. We have adopted the narrative fueled with scenario of deep thankfulness and reverence into this very moment.
Step 3: Now, I just let it happen. We just let it happen.
The previous “past-present biology” is gone. A new positive and very helpful “future-present biology” is all we can know and see. The past is replaced by this new living vision of the future – something we can constantly maintain in the present.
And then we let the quantum field – the Lord of Life – that higher guiding force of life — do its thing.
I avoid pondering when and how these changes will show up
because it always happens in ways I cannot predict.
With Love and Gratitude.
Terri and Blair
To read previous posts, click here!
Here is the link to share with others who would like to sign up.
Fear is selfish.
Courage is selfless.