Refining My Ideas and Your Suggestions
Innocence Five Feet Away
Avoiding Food Fights Can Be an Option
The Greatest Weapons Against Criticism
1. Refining My Ideas and Your Suggestions About What a “Cancer Primer” Could Be
On my December 3rd post: We need a “Cancer World” primer for newcomers. I wrote about how wonderful it would be to have access to a sincere loving guidebook gently saying, “Here is what you need to do: step 1, step 2. Here is how to change your diet, your exercise, etc. Here are the best ways to tell your family and friends about your condition and how to deal with their reactions.”
Etc., etc., etc.
That post led to questions about whether I am re-entering the practice of healthcare or counseling.
I am not.
From my own personal perspective. I am pondering the best way to share about: Entering the world of cancer care… and all the fantasies and expectations that come tumbling into our world the day we hear that diagnosis.
My journal posts are not a formal attempt to provide such a guidebook, however that desire is growing in my heart.
At this time, my primary focus is still on self-healing.
As I enter my third year of cancer, I am eager to fully recover and to share what we have learned. However, this is not yet that time.
This was a topic again on November 5th where I expressed my wish to:
- Make everything I share downloadable for you
- To offer:
- Tips and Tricks: The many things that made my cancer and cardiac journey less painful and much less traumatic.
- Journal Postings: Humor, philosophy, making tough decisions, etc. Personal inspiring insights where nothing is tragic, but there is some magic.
- Media Files: Audios and videos of classes I have taught over the last 20+ years that you can download if so inspired.
- To find a way to make this one-way street of communication as effective as possible.
Since I can NOT and do not offer any medical advice, I would like the website and journal postings to be like a library book. It is a one-way form of communication, but it can still be helpful, like any book or podcast.
My idea of a cancer primer is to give folks a heads up about what to expect and point out how impossible it is to predict the experience.
Why?
Because ‘the times they are a changing’…always.
Here it is Day 3 post-chemo, and it is a great cognitive day overall. I did wake with hip pain, but medication solved it in one round. I can think, read and communicate – this is not a Day 3 commodity…usually Day 5 or 6.
Today’s timing has never happened before. Thus, the predictability of my inner experience of taking the same chemo each time for 7 times in a row has always been different.
Today is the most pleasant…so far.
What’s the point?
Trying to plan family, work, and individual activities during active chemo weeks is impossible. This is a pretty consistent observation.
2. Innocence Five Feet Away
Early this week I sat one thin curtain away from an elderly couple coming in for the husband’s first chemotherapy experience. The couple’s conversation was impossible not to hear.
Their expectations were pouring out for the next several hours as they explained to the nurses with great confidence, “He will have once chemo every three weeks for three times and then the tumor will have shrunk, and we can get our lives back.”
Unrealistic? Maybe? Probably? Hopefully not.
I would not want to dash their hopes and plans away, but…
There was clearly no room for a ‘Plan B’ in their awareness.
Hmmmm.
Jeff and I just sat there with quiet compassion flowing from our hearts.
Would a cancer primer have anything to offer them?
3. Avoiding Food Fights Can Be an Option
Terri has been like a living saint in this category of challenge. You can imagine similar stories like those of pregnant folks urgently demanding a specific food and instantly rejecting it upon arrival.
On chemo days it is common for me to lose my appetite. If I miss too many meals, my weight loss can create additional problems. On those days, Terri will eventually nudge me with her intuitive meal or snack suggestions.
Most of the time, her food choice is spot on!
However, there are times when my belligerence wins and we both live to eat another day.
To me here is an important quality to have in your home: “Can your food-helper slide the ‘delicious rejected meal’ into the trash with a smile on their face, lovingly asking for what else you would like to try?”
This has happened way too many times. Luckily our journal notes revealed patterns that we could anticipate and adjust food possibilities on those tough days.
Without catching these patterns in my journal, my food cravings would seem crazy.
Terri could write a manual on how much adaptability is needed and how the attitude and reactions of the “chef” are vital to solving the food-birthed emotional roller coasters that could easily cause strife in one’s relationships.
So, go with the flow…
We both had no choice…
It was a struggle that brought us closer together.
4. The Greatest Weapons Against Criticism
I am continually learning to accept other people’s behaviors. I know that I need to greatly enhance my heart’s internal generosity that allows us all to be different.
It is easy to not judge someone else’s actions when you can acknowledge that they have their own reasons for their behaviors and choices. Only through mutual inquiry can there be a delightful exploration of the differences between two people nearing the borderline — a falling out of love for each other.
Love, beauty, and joy are the greatest weapons to deploy!
Use them against anger, greed, and judgment as your toy.
Such gentle unbreakable happiness will destroy
Every silly rant they unleash, bringing peace and joy.
Together we are learning that right and wrong are not as important as coming up with a solution grounded in love, compassion, and kindness. It is something we are discovering as we learn how to live together in this world of cancer.
As we discover the best of ourselves, as we find our deepest passion for life, it is our ever-expanding thirst for community and continuity that brings us home.
With Love and Gratitude, C52390
Terri and Blair
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Fear is selfish.
Courage is selfless.